That's Not Funny!

That's Not Funny!

By John Kinde, DTM

Why people find your perfect joke offensive.

If a book of dirty jokes falls open in the woods and nobody is there... are the jokes offensive? No. You need an audience of at least one person.

W

hether a joke is in poor taste is not about the content of the joke. And it's really not about the speaker or writer of the joke. It's about the interpretations and reactions of the listener or the reade5r. One person's joke is another person's rude comment. What makes one person laugh makes another person blush in embarrassment. What some people consider subtle wit is nothing but an insult to someone else. As speakers we need to understand some of the factors that account for these differences.

It's About Them

Conditioning By Society. People are influenced by their families, friends and other social and cultural experiences to think that certain things are funny, and that other things are offensive. This isn't necessarily good or bad. It just is, although it carries more of a negative impact when the offensive humor ruins relationships and attacks a group's self-worth. Humor based on a stereotype, even if it's accurate, can have a negative impact on society. On the other hand, humor can disarm a stereotype. Creating effective humor is very difficult, because the end result (the judgment of the receiver) has less to do with the speaker's intent, delivery or the content of the joke. It's more about the history, experiences and conditioning of the listener.

Playing Police Officer. Some people find material offensive not because it offends them, but because they are afraid it will offend someone else. They have a self-appointed role as the protector of society and they censor material they feel may cause discomfort to others. Sometimes these "police officers" play a valuable role in challenging poor-taste humor.

Perspective. A humor line can be offensive to men for one reason and to women for another reason. In a humor writing contest based on the gender of words, a writer submitted this line: "Pants are feminine because in most homes it's the women who wear them. " This can be offensive to women feeling it's a putdown of assertive women or women who work outside the home. It can also be offensive to men who feel it's an attack on their masculinity and that it implies that women are superior to them. In either case it doesn't matter what the attitude or intent of the speaker was. The perspective of the listener affects that person's reaction.

Such a history of oppression that they've become conditioned to see putdowns in places where none was intended. Being offended becomes an automatic, knee-jerk reaction. On the other hand, they may be living with a history in which humor was used as a weapon to dehumanize their particular minority.
For example, the Nazis in World War II Germany used comical political cartoons about Jews to desensitize the general population toward a group of people they planned to annihilate. As a result, people of Jewish heritage may feel they have every right to be vigilant. Other people will have their own reasons for watchfulness. Consequently, deciding how far to take your jokes is not easy. Just be aware that you see things through your own filters, and you may need to expand your cultural awareness and sensitivities. The best caveat is one of the oldest: Know your audience.

Pushing Buttons. I found a couple of satire Web sites that hit some hot spots. One was on the subject of relationships between blacks and whites. The other was on gay marriage. Both Web sites played with stereotypes. The comments posted to both sites demonstrated the power of satire to push buttons on both sides of an issue. It showed how people with opposing views on each subject could be offended by the same material. And conversely, it showed how people on both sides of the issues could love the Web sites and appreciate the humor. It was less about the sites than the opinions and judgment of the viewers. Other hot-button issues for humor include immigration, gun control, religion, abortion and affirmative action.

The Two Percent. It's said that two percent of people will be offended by anything you say or do. There is truth to that. Most jokes will probably be found offensive by someone. If your goal is to offend no one, don't speak or write to anyone. A better goal is to find the socially prevalent line that divides the humor of good and bad taste for most of your particular audience and try not to cross it without purpose. Accept the fact that some people will be offended no matter what you do, and don't lose sleep over their opinions Instead, concentrate on the 98 percent who remain and try not to alienate them.

What Can You Do?
Know Your Intent. Understand why you use humor. What is your motive behind each line of a joke? Is it that you really don't like the group you're poking fun at? When your're coming from a negative place, your humor is likely to be off target, offensive and divisive.

Have Self-Esteem. Although the impact of a joke depends on the receiver, it is also true that humor at others' expense is often created by people who are trying to boost their own self esteem by ridiculing others. I've noticed that people who are emotionally healthy and balanced are less likely to denigrade others than those who have self-worth issues.

Seek the Truth. Dont fall into the trap of thinking you own the truth. It's a mistake to label other people's actions and behaviors with the motivations you believe are behind them. Your guess will often be wrong. The resulting negative judgments will weaken your relationships.

Be Challenged. dont take the simple road to humor by doing the easy jokes based on sex, body parts and negative stereotypes. Create humor that takes thought and creativity. It's more challenging, more funny and less offensive. Two years ago I won our District Humorous Speech Contest with a speech that played with a challenging topic: how To succeed In Business By Going to Work Naked. The challenge was to develop a five- to seven-minute speech without talking about sex, body parts or bodily functions.
My favorite joke had innuendo that I just couldn't include in the speech, even though I loved it. It was good practice in making judgments on what was appropriate.
I'm sure some people thought, for their own valid reasons, that it was not an appropriate topic for a Toastmasters contest. Just the word "naked" pushed buttons for some people. And remember the two-percent rule? Winning four levels of Toastmasters competition indicated to me that I met the challenge of good taste.

Do your homework. Keep your radar tuned for the possibility of sensitive material in your talk. In most of my programs I include humor based on inside information about a group, provided to me before an event. When I presented a motivational program for a group in California, a member of the group was known to go on vacation to the same island destination each year. It was an inside joke to say that she vacationed on Fantasy Island. Using that material seemed safe, but after the program the woman complained to me about the joke. No matter who gave me the information, I was responsible and should not have hesitated to talk to the target of my humor.
Warning your target does not reduce the impact of the humor. Although it takes away the element of surprise for that one person, it's still fresh material for the audience as a whole. Since you've done your homework, it will make you more confident, and the person who is the target of the humor might lvoe the joke even more for taking part in its creation.

Get permission. Then, there was the time I was entertaining at a 50th birthday party. I sometimes do a segment referred to as "The Question Man" where I pretend to answer the audience's written questions. Actually I create all the questions and answers myself. That time, I had been informed that a guy named Bob was getting married for the fourth time. he had been divorced three times before. I knew that this might be a ripe subject for humor. But would Bob think it was funny? So Iasked him, "Is the fact that this is your fourth marriage something that you joke about?" The answer was yes. I also asked, "Does your fiancee think it's funny, and is it something that the two of you joke about?" yes and yes. Next, Ishared the joke with him in advance.

Here's the setup line: "I have been invited to Bob's wedding next month...should i go?" And my answer: "Yes...and to the one next year too!" I implied that by next year he will be planning his fifth wedding. The joke was a hit and Bob and his fiancee loved it. I was comfortable using it because I had requested permission.


Play it safe. The time-tested advice from the speaking circuit is "when in doubt...leave it out." Although I'll push the edge occasionally, over the years I've become more conservative in my judgments. Always play it safe and you'll never have to be sorry.

Not long ago I observed an elderly woman being seated at a blackjack table with a man who was in his 50s. He was bold enough to ask the woman's age. She replied that she was 91 years old. His response was: "My grandmother was 91 when she died! When you get to heaven, look her up and tell her I said hi." His comment was the same as saying: "You're almost dead!" No doubt he meant well and was trying to be jovial with her, but it's possible he offended her instead.

Be a student. When you find a Web site or newspaper article that you love or hate, ask yourself why you feel the way you do. Try to understand what is pushing your buttons. Then study the postings and opinions of others Try to understand what makes other people tick. You'll become stronger at building relationships when you understand yourself and others.

Walk A Mile. Step into the shoes of someone different from you. Be sensitive. Build links, relationships and bonds. Use humor to grow our collective family and not tear it down. let your positive humor shed light the next time you take the platform to entertain and move an audience.

Copy from: Toastmasters Magazine October 2006, volume 72,No.10

Better Presentations for A to Z

E

xcellent speakers blend the essentials of public speaking to deliver memorable talks that inform, persuade and motivate their audiences. Not sure what all those elements are? Having trouble remembering them when it counts? Here’s a bandy way for you to recall the key aspects of public speaking, just by reciting the alphabet.

A

Attention-Getting Opener – When we speak, we have about 60 seconds to capture our audience’s attention, establish credibility, orient them to our topic and motivate them t listen. Use a relevant and appropriate quotation, startling fact, statistic, rhetorical question or humorous anecdote to capture your audience’s attention. Select an opener that provides a smooth transition into the body of your presentation.

B

Body – Compare the body of your speech to the human body as a way to check the health of your speech. Let the backbone remind you that you need a clear purpose. Use the bones to review your major points, the joints to add smooth transitions, the flesh to streamline the message, and the muscles to include facts to persuade the listener. And the hearts? It’s been said that “no one cares how much you know, until they know how much you card.” The heart should remind you to show your passion for the topic.

C

Costume – Dress the part for your speech. Are you informing your audience about the Japanese Tea Ceremony? Wear a kimono. Are you entertaining with stories about the great explorers? Wear a captain’s hat. At least, bring in some props to illustrate your points. Your audience will appreciate the visual aids.

D

Descriptive Language – Use words and phrases that bring your message to life. Active verbs, for example amble, run, skip and scuttle say a lot more than a vague word, such as go. A sentence like, “I go to the store once a week,” is much more interesting when it becomes, “I jog through the store once a week.” Now the audience will want to know why you’re in such a hurry. Give them bright, active detail with judicious and colorful use of strong verbs, adjectives and a sprinkling of adverbs.

E

Eye Contact – As “the windows of the soul,” eyes connect speakers to audiences; they build credibility and persuade, entertain or motivate listeners. For more effective eye contact, shirt your gaze form one side or the room to the other, looking at individuals instead of at the group, Let your eyes move from one listener to the next, smoothly, effortlessly and softly. Lure the listeners into your presentation.

F

Facial Expression – Facial expression, used effectively, can attract and maintain your audience’s attention and provide positive visual support for your message. Raise your eyebrows to show surprise, smile to confirm appreciation, frown to show disagreement.

G

Gestures – Deciding what to do with your hands can provide important results for the ultimate success of your message. Use natural gestures and finger movements to introduce main points, hands and arms to illustrate size, and the entire body to demonstrate passion. Varied gestures will retain the audience’s attention, appropriate gestures will reinforce your message, and bold guestures will communicate confidence.

H

, I, J Humor, innovation and Jokes — Chosen wisely, humor, innovation and jokes can add spark to your presentation. They can unify the audience and give it a welcome break during lengthy or technical presentations. If you’ve discovered something new on the Internet that you know will appeal to a wide-ranging audience, share the URL and give your listeners something to take home and enjoy. The best joke are humorous stories that cross cultural boundaries and come from the heart. Avoid quick, easy punchlines or complicated wordplay, unless you know your particular audience will understand and appreciate the. A warm-hearted anecdote from your own life – one that shares a chuckle of recognition - is the safest way to make people laugh.

K

Knowledge – Since public speaking involves persuasion, speakers who are most knowledgeable about their topics – those we perceive as subject-matter experts – are most in demand. Because they’re well-prepared, knowledgeable speakers are more credible than speakers who speak off the tip of their heads. They’re believable, authentic, convincing – and invited back. So do your homework!

L

Listen – Giving an effective presentation isn’t just about speaking, it’s also about listening. Listen to your audience’s reaction to your presentation by reading their facial expressions and body language. Can they see and hear you, and are they able to understand your message? Are they alert, nodding in agreement, and laughing in the right places? Gauging your audience’s mood and marking calculated changes based on what you see and hear will boost your responsiveness.

M

Move Around – Many speakers stand in one place when they deliver a presentation, making them appear more like statues than living, breathing human beings. Natural movement makes us appear more interesting to an audience. When you move, move with a purpose. For example, to highlight a special point, walk from one side of the speaking area to another to deliver that new point. To illustrate contrast, move left to discuss one idea, then move right to discuss an opposing idea. To captivate your audience, avoid repetitious and nervous movement, pacing or swaying.

N

Naughty or Nice – If you’re speaking to a group of preschool teachers, you wouldn’t want to present your hip new comedy act for the “open mike” night at this local comedy club. Save the adult humor for its appropriate humor, off-color jokes and words that could hurt or offend others. Wondering whether something is appropriate? When in doubt, leave it out!

O

Organization – Making it easy for your audience to follow your ideas can pay big dividends when it comes to soliciting their support. Common approaches to organization include chronology, location, problem/solution, and cause/effect. Pick the method of organization that is the best match for your message and your audience.

P

Practice – Rehearse your speech aloud, preferably in front of a mirror or a friend, or into a recording device. As you speak, practice all elements of your speech, not just the words. After you speak, evaluate how well you accomplished the purpose. It’s not enough to recite your speech in your head – practice the nonverbal elements, too.

Q

,R,S Quote References And Sources – Information is everywhere and it’s easy to find, easy to capture and easy to copy. Boost your credibility by giving credit where credit is due – always cite your sources. Your reputation depends on it.

T

Technology – Choosing and using technology wisely can enrich your presentation messages. Practices speaking with your technical resources until you are able to use them without losing rapport with the audience. Make sure to check out hardware, software and electrical tools well before show time – just in case something isn’t working, and you need time to get it repaired.

U

Undo The Ums – Learn to hear the distracting filler words your use – “um,” “uh,” “okay,” “actually,” “you know,” and others – analyze why you use them, and develop a plan to rid yourself of this conversation killer.

V

Voice – If you’ve videotaped your presentation, listen to the tape. With your eyes closed. Listen for how you use volume, rate pitch and pace – are they appropriate for the environment, topic and audience? Do you hear enthusiasm in your voice, or is it flat and without inflection or emotion?

W

WII-FM – While speakers are working hard delivering their messages, most listeners are tuned into WII-FM (What’s In It For Me). Successful speakers try to understand their audiences’ emotional and informational needs and they develop their speeches to meet those needs.

X

X-tra – Transform an ordinary presentation into an extraordinary one by adding that little extra. Use metaphors and analogies that can make your message easier to understand. Use meaningful acronyms or rhyming words to increase audience recall. Choose a template for your side presentation to reinforce your message. Such extra can make a big difference in the quality an value of your speech.

Y

Yes, You Can – Twenty-six letters can be daunting. Don’t worry! The best tip of all is to remember to have faith in yourself. If you’re one of those speakers who took the time to read this article, then you’re no doubt a person who is willing to put in the time and effort to present great speeches. Believe in yourself and repeat, “Yes, I can!”

Z

Zap Em! – While the end of a speech is the time to provide closure to our remarks, it’s also the time to make a memorable final impression. Deliver a close that matches your mission and makes your audience think, react, take action, laugh, applaud or sand to show their unwavering support.

Need a quick way to remember the elements of public speaking and polish your skills? Remembering the essential elements is as E-Z as A-B-C.

Copy from: Toastmasters Magazine May 2008, volume 74,No.5