Ladies and Gentlemen: Have you ever wish you can stick a note on your back, describing who you are and what you do, so everyone can read it and get to know you? Well, we all want people to know who we are, don’t we. But, we don’t really want to stick a note on our back, so we invented uniforms to let people know who we are. You see, doctors automatically look so smart in their uniforms, and Wang Jian Ming looks so handsome and tall in Yankee’s uniform. They are lucky bastards, everybody know them.
I wish I can wear a doctor uniform and I wish I am as tall and popular as Wang Jian Ming, but I am not. So I really need this opportunity to express my amazing inner beauty to you. So, let’s get rolling.
Do you know the liberal and conservative spectrum? Well I will put myself right over here, on way left to the liberal side. So, what is a liberal person? I think if I were born 100 years ago, I would be a communist. Liberal person like me, we accept and respect diversities in society. For example in Taiwan, we have ethnic diversity in Taiwanese, Chinese, Hakka, Aboriginals and some new south Asian wives. Then of course we have the gender and sexual difference in man, woman, straight and homosexuals. I don’t even want to get into the differences in our religions. Well, my point is, despite all the differences, I believe we can all live in peace. And I believe we can learn to respect and be considerate to our differences. Do you know why I become this way? Well, I have been a minority for my entire life. Don’t worried, I am not going to come out of the closet and tell you I am a gay. You see, I lived in Japan as a little Taiwanese boy, because my father is a Taiwanese. Then I went to the America and studied as an Asian student. Now I am back in Taiwan and I am Lisa’s Japanese husband. Right, I have always been a minority. Luckily, wherever I went, everybody treated me nicely. Anyway, discrimination is not my issue here; the importance of diversity is my issue. In college I enjoyed a great deal of diversity. I had a great womanizing roommate from Honduras, a really lazy roommate with a big heart from Japan and a hard working, gentleman from Ethiopia. I have dated girls from America, China, Russia, Japan, Taiwan and Burma. I was like a kid in a candy store. There are so many new and exciting things to learn from these people everyday. I’ve never had a boring day in my life.
This is why I like to come to the Toastmasters. Although most of you are Taiwanese, but you still form a great diverse group. I love to continue to come here and hear your crazy ideas and opinions. And I hope we can be open to talk about politics, religion and sex too. I don’t think I will feel offended in any topic.
Now, woman in this room must be getting jealous of Lisa, why only she gets to have such a wonderful husband. Well I tell you, I am not that perfect. In fact I am quite a male chauvinist. How can I be a liberal guy and a chauvinist? It’s very contradicting. Well, logically I am a liberal minded man, but biologically I am a male chauvinist. Logically, I know women are just as capable as man or even better and woman reserve equal right. But, I cannot stand losing to a woman. I also don’t like to listen to women. When I was living with my American host family, my American mother once slapped me across the face so hard because she was very frustrated that I only listen to my American father. At home, I have never helped Lisa with housework and I think educating the kids is her job. All I do at home is drinking beer, watch sports channel on TV and download porn movie with my computer. Well Lisa let me get away with all these because she admit that she didn’t see this side of me when we got married. Well the truth is, Lisa knows I have a good heart, and I really love her and admire her.
Finally, everybody, I might not be very discreet when I talk. Sometime you maybe offended by me. But remember, I never have bad intentions. So, let’s laugh and joke together for years to come.
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